4 excellent ways on how to correctly choose who to marry is another powerful message by Pastor Kingsely Okonkwo, the lead founder of David Christian Centre (DCC) and an amazing marriage and relationship coach .
He has written several books on relationships and marriage therefore, he literally has a lot to teach young and married people on how they can select who to marry. He shared this awesome teaching from one of his numerous books titled “who to marry”. This book is specifically made for maintaining good human relationship and marriage, but most especially for single people.
Pastor said this was one of his books and he wrote it about 20 years ago.
According to him, the book has about ten ways on how to choose the right spouse but he focused on 4 ways to know who to marry while asking the audience to get the book and read up the rest if need be.
Pastor finds it quite surprising that people do not know the basic things to look out in whomever they think they want to marry. In his words “You know I really wanted to do something very deep, something very complicated but time without number I have found out that people do not know the basics for choosing a good partner so I”m going to do the basics today”.
He categorically stated that he doesn’t teach from the book most of the times he has teaching engagements or has to preach. Reason being that he presumed that the details contained in that book are the basics anyone should know before searching for a spouse. However, more often people have proven his notion wrong. They do not know the basics. Hence, his desire to help them in that regard.
In his words ‘when I counsel troubled couples, I always find out that the challenges of those days are the challenges of these days”.I discovered the same challenges are still prevalent today. People do not know the basic foundation to getting a good marital life. A good christian should not ignore the landmarks laid by by our fathers of faith. I discovered the same challenges are still prevalent today he continued.
The importance of a good foundation can not be over emphasized. ‘Common guys you all need to be reminded that marriages don’t fail In marriage. 50 percent of marriages fail even before the marriage even started and that is because of a wrong foundation. If the foundation is destroyed, what shall the righteous do” he stated. know more about who to marry
Marriages fail because the foundation is already faulty. When the foundation of a marriage is right, then, that marriage will be fun.
He went further to say ‘You know, I would always share with you the stories of how I did all manner of things way back in secondary school days. And of course I came last all the time You know, and there’s nothing anyone could do about that because my foundation was wrong.
What’s the point I’m trying to make. I’m trying to say.The basics are rare. Scripture is clear about this, that if the foundation is destroyed, there’s nothing the righteous can do”.
Pastor took some time to talk about his wife and how they met. How exciting and fun marriage has been with her and how he wouldn’t ask for any better person to do marriage with rather than his wife_pastor Mildred Okonkwo.
Immediately after that, he delved into the message properly as he carefully enumerated the four guidelines that will help know who you should marry. He called these guidelines the four C’s
- You must marry a christian.If you are believer, please marry someone who is a believer too. The bible is very clear about marrying a fellow christian. It says: “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers”. Romans 5: 5, Ephesians 2: 1,3. 2nd Corinthians 6: 14-15.
One of the secret to a successful marriage lies in choosing someone of the same faith as you. Pastor carefully explained this by making some examples. He said that you can not marry someone who wears earrings, bangles and necklaces when your church of worship or belief is against that. If you go ahead with such marriage, there’s a big tendency that the marriage will hit the rock sooner or later for obvious reasons you know.
Marrying someone who is not of the same faith as you is not an option. How many people do you know, marry just somebody in any religion, he asked. it’s not an option for them. No, no, no, no, no, the Bible is clear about these things, he said.
You know people make marriage look so hard because they are ignoring the rules. Marriage is not difficult if you follow the guidelines, the guidelines are spelled out in scripture. There is no superhuman. There’s no superhero. The guidelines are clear on how to choose who to marry.
Often times, people have wondered why marrying from the same household of faith is important. Pastor Kingsley explained the reason for this rule. In his words you need to marry a christian just like yourself because you can’t marry someone that is not your kind. Marrying a christian means that they have the spirit of God operating in them.
“You need to realize that what makes a marriage work is not just the love you have for each other. Your security and marriage is not in that your spouse loves you. No, no, no! It isn’t in the love of your partner. There are many things they would not do to you if they fear and respect God”.
“ If there is any importance, people think that we love each other. I love him. He loves me. That’s all that matters. No, that is not all that matters. Everybody in a crisis marriage today thought at one time that they loved each other”.
“Human love is never enough.It’s never enough. That’s why you need the love of God. The opposite, the the love of God has been shed abroad in our house, that’s a supernatural ability to love another human being in spite of their flaws. That’s what God does to a believer” he said.
- Marry a person of good character. Many Christians have argued that most time, people in church cover their bad attitude so well that their potential spouse could hardly spot these red flag. Pastor on his part posits that, he doesn’t subscribe to this school of thought as there are always red flags but believers tend to overlook such either due to pressure to get married or desperation especially in ladies. In his words: “the signs are always there, look closely and you will find them”
- Marry a good companion. This is where friendship comes to play. It is important for Christians to marry their friends. The Bible talks about a friend that sticks more than a brother. Proverbs 18:24. it is friendship that sustains the marriage when the love must have grown cold. Pastor in his words said that single people often think that married people just have sex everyday. that’s all they do in the marriage. No,that’s not the case. In fact most of the time married people stay without sex for a long period of time say 1 to 6 months. Before you agree to marry someone, test the friendship. Check if you enjoy talking to this person, check if you love each others company. These questions are very vital for a successful home. know more about who to marry
- Compatibility:People often think that compatibility is agreement but in reality it isn’t. in pastors words, it doesn’t mean similarities, it simply means ability to get along. somebody can be in your church and you are not compatible with him or her. Amos 3:3.Three can not work together except they agree. How quickly do you make up after each fight? A good example he made is the relationship between a pen and a pen cover. They are are not similar but they fit perfectly. He made another funny example saying that his wife likes to cook while he likes to eat, so they fit.
He concluded the message by praying for his audience asking God to direct them to their right partners, open their eyes to see red flags and ability to make the right decision.know more about who to marry